When someone we love dies, the entire meaning of what reality looks like — or is —changes immediately. Our brain must find a way to rewire, to adapt, and to make sense of the new reality that the loss has created. In many ways, grief is a form of intensive care for the self — a process through which the mind and body struggle to stabilise after a profound emotional injury.
In the early stages of grief, the brain enters a kind of survival mode. The neural networks that help us understand time, memory, and identity become flooded with emotional signals. The limbic system — especially the amygdala, which processes fear and emotional memories — becomes overactive, while the prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning and planning, can feel “offline.” That’s why grief often feels confusing, foggy, or unreal. We forget things, lose track of time, and find it hard to make even small decisions.
This is not weakness or failure — it’s biology. The brain is working overtime to integrate a painful new truth: the person we love is gone, yet they still feel vividly present within us. These conflicting realities pull at us, sometimes moment by moment, until the brain slowly begins to reconcile them.
Like a patient in intensive care, the grieving brain needs rest, compassion, and time, family and friends, a support network that will help the healing process.
Emotional healing can’t be rushed though, because it’s not only emotional — it’s neurological. Neural pathways that once led to connection and safety are trying to reroute themselves, to find new meaning in a world that looks entirely different. Mary Frances O’Connor says that we can’t change what comes with the loss of a loved one, but we may be able to learn to respond in a way that helps us to overcome what’s coming. ’’We cannot change the suffering that accompanies loss. We cannot change intrusive thoughts and waves of grief. But if we have great courage, we may be able to learn to respond to these indisputable circumstances with greater skill and understanding’’ The Grieving Brain – The Surprising Science
of How We Learn from Love and Loss’’ page 140, paragraph 2.
How Counselling Can Help After the Loss of a Loved One and Restore Neural Pathways.
Losing someone you love can change everything. It can leave you feeling like the ground beneath you has shifted, and suddenly nothing feels familiar
anymore. Grief has a way of showing up in all sorts of forms — sadness, anger, guilt, even numbness.
Sometimes it feels heavy and constant, other times it comes in waves when you least expect it. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and no timeline you’re supposed to follow.
What counselling can offer in these moments isn’t a quick fix, but a gentle space to simply be with your grief.
A Place Where All Feelings Are Welcome.
Often, people find it hard to share the full depth of their grief with family or friends. You might worry about being a burden or feel like others expect you to “move on.” A counsellor offers a safe, private place where you don’t have to hold back. Whether you want to cry, talk, or sit in silence, your grief is met with understanding rather than judgement.
Making Sense of the Loss.
Sometimes, losing someone leaves behind unanswered questions or things you wish you could have said. Counselling can help you explore these feelings, giving you the space to reflect and gently untangle the “what ifs” that may be weighing you down.
Finding Ways to Cope with Overwhelming Feelings
Grief can bring with it deep sadness, but also anxiety, exhaustion, or even hopelessness. A counsellor can walk with you through these moments, offering small, practical ways to cope so that life feels a little more manageable, one step at a
time.
Adjusting to Life Without Your Loved One.
Living with loss doesn’t mean forgetting. It often means learning how to carry the memory of your loved one while also finding a way forward. Also means making sense of the events up to the death of loved one which is part of accepting the reality of the loss. Counselling can support you as you rebuild routines and rediscover who you are in this new chapter of life.
You Don’t Have to Go Through It Alone.
Grief doesn’t have a finish line. It changes over time, but it doesn’t disappear. What counselling can do is help make the weight of it feel easier to bear.
Asking for support isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s an act of care for yourself. You don’t have to carry this pain alone. With the right support, it’s possible to find moments of peace, and eventually, to remember your loved one with more love than pain.
Bibliography:
The Grieving Brain – Mary Frances O’Connor
The Plain Guide to Grief – Dr John Wilson
Authors
Mihaela Marian - Counsellor - MBACP
Andrew Rewell - Counsellor - MBACP