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Further to our blog entitled ‘Effective Communication in Relationships (Part 1)’, here are the final seven questions and answers, we hope you find them beneficial.

8. Parent/ child relationship – how do you communicate with children who also don’t listen without getting frustrated

Shift the mindset first

Instead of thinking “they’re not listening to me,” try thinking:
“They’re still learning how to listen, and I’m teaching them by example.”
That tiny reframe takes it from a power struggle to a teaching moment, and it helps you stay calm.

Get on their level (literally + emotionally)

• Physically: Crouch or kneel to eye level. It helps them feel seen and not scolded from above.
• Emotionally: Acknowledge what they’re into before redirecting.
  “You’re having so much fun with those blocks! Can we pause for a second so I can tell you something?”

Make it a game or challenge

Kids respond way better to play than commands.
Try:

• “Can you beat me to the couch in 5 seconds?”
• “Let’s see how quietly we can walk like sneaky ninjas.”

Use silence and presence

Instead of repeating yourself louder or getting worked up:

• Make eye contact.
• Wait till they notice you’re waiting.
  Sometimes your calm silence says more than raised voices ever could.

Give limited choices

Instead of “Put your shoes on!” say:

• “Do you want to wear the red shoes or the blue ones?” This gives them agency without giving them total

When you feel the frustration rising…

Step back if you need to. Even say it out loud:

• “I’m feeling a little frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I try again.” You’re modelling emotional regulation and not escalating the moment.

9. How do I differentiate between introversion, lack of interest, and a real communication issue?

I will assume this question is about adults and not children. So here are so ideas and thoughts:

 

Observation	Might suggest…
They listen well and respond meaningfully, just quietly	Likely introversion
They seem disengaged no matter the topic or person	Likely disinterest
They seem willing but struggle with clarity or flow	Possible communication issue

Introversion

What it looks like:

• Prefers deep, one-on-one conversations over group chats or small talk
• Might not initiate often, but engages meaningfully when approached
• Needs time to recharge after social interaction
• May appear reserved, especially in new settings

What helps:

• Give them space to warm up
• Don’t mistake quietness for disinterest
• Try connecting over meaningful topics rather than casual ones

Clue: They’re present, thoughtful, and responsive—just not chatty or socially forward.

Lack of Interest

What it looks like:

• Passive, distracted body language (glancing at phone, minimal eye contact)
• Short, non-committal answers
• Doesn’t ask questions back or try to keep the conversation going
• May steer the topic back to themselves or avoid the subject altogether

What helps:

• Try switching topics or settings—see if they perk up
• Check your own energy—sometimes they mirror that
• If it’s recurring, it may just be a mismatch in interests or chemistry

Clue: They can communicate well—they’re just not invested in the moment or the person (harsh, but sometimes true).

Real Communication Issue

(This can include anxiety, neurodivergence, language barriers, social processing issues, trauma history, etc.)

What it looks like:

• Struggles to follow the flow of conversation
• Long pauses or difficulty finding words
• Avoids eye contact or shows anxiety during interaction
• Misreads tone, sarcasm, or body language
• Seems more at ease in written or structured forms of communication

What helps:

• Slow down the pace, ask simpler or more direct questions
• Be patient and open—don’t finish their sentences
• Look for patterns over time and across settings
• Let them lead the rhythm when they’re ready

Clue: They may want to engage, but something is making it harder—there’s effort, but it’s not always effective.

10. How do you overcome not being patient enough to listen to your partner, however you are a good listener at work.

This one takes some inner searching. Questions to ask yourself:

• Does your partner not interest you anymore?
• Do work and your work colleagues appear more exciting to you?
• Have you identified if there is a pattern, perhaps you feel like this after a busy day and you’re tired. If so, have you spoken to your partner and asked them to perhaps give you half an hour, after you get in from work, so you can change your clothes/have a shower or bath/detox from the day.
• Is your partner not a good communicator, then see number 9 above.

11. How do you communicate with your ex-partner who had made up their mind not to communicate with you.

If it’s necessary to communicate with them, perhaps over finance or the children, perhaps find out what their preferred means of communication are. You may get a better response if they prefer that you email them or text. This may not be as quick as talking but at least you’ll be communicating.

Think about why you parted and whether there are any unresolved issues that they may be festering on, tackling these first may open the communication channel.

But here’s the truth: you can’t make someone talk if they’ve chosen not to. What you can do is approach it with clarity, self-respect, and zero games. Here’s a breakdown of what that looks like:

Accept the boundary, even if you hate it

If they’ve said, “I don’t want to talk,” pushing past that (even with good intentions) can backfire. Respect for their choice = respect for yourself too. It doesn’t mean you agree, it means you’re letting go of control.

Reframe: You’re not powerless. You’re powerful enough to walk away from one-sided conversations.

If you must say something (closure, co-parenting, logistics…)—do it once, clearly

• Keep it short, respectful, and specific
• No blaming, no guilt-tripping, no emotional spirals
• Focus on what’s necessary: “I understand you don’t want contact. I just needed to share this one thing. I won’t reach out again unless it’s necessary.”

Tip: Sometimes writing a message you don’t send is enough. It gets it out of your system.

Know what you’re really hoping for

• Are you looking for closure?
• Hoping they’ll change their mind?
• Trying to fix or explain something?
  Get real with yourself about that. If you can’t get it from them, how can you start creating it for yourself?

If you share responsibilities (like kids or property)

• Stick to neutral, factual communication
• Use written formats (email, text, co-parenting apps)
• Keep it business-like and emotionally clean
• Document everything if needed

Let silence be your teacher

Their silence is communication—it’s saying something, even if it hurts. And in that space, you can ask:

“What would I be saying to myself if I didn’t keep waiting for their response?” – because your healing doesn’t need their participation. And sometimes silence is what finally helps us hear ourselves.

12. How can people of faith engage in conflict resolution while maintaining emotional regulation and active listening? I believe this is answered in questions numbered 1 & 3, which can be found in part 1 of this blog.

13. How do you navigate cultural and traditions where you are constantly silenced because there is a narrative that the man is the head and he has the final say.

This is not an area I have a lot of experience in; therefore, I have turned to other sources for guidance on this.

Acknowledge the tension without internalising it

It’s okay to respect your culture without agreeing with every part of it. You can honour where you come from and advocate for a different way of being heard.

Say to yourself:

“I can love my roots without letting them choke me.”

Pick your battles, but never lose your voice

You don’t have to fight every moment. Sometimes silence is strategy. But that’s not the same as being silenced.

Ask:

• Is this the right time and place?
• Is there a safer way to speak this truth later?
• Can I plant a seed now, even if I won’t see the change immediately?

Even small shifts—like asking questions instead of making statements—can start changing the air.

Find allies—quiet ones count too

You’re probably not the only one who feels this way. Connect with:

• Others who think like you (even if they don’t say it out loud yet)
• Men who are willing to listen and support change
• Community spaces (online or offline) that share your values

Sometimes just one “I understand you” can give you the strength to keep speaking.

Use the language your culture understands

Not just words—but values.
Instead of “This is wrong,” you can try:

• “I know our traditions say this… but what if we also considered…?”
• “Is there room for both leadership and partnership?”
• “Doesn’t a strong man listen, too?”

Speak in a way that sounds like care instead of combat—that’s often how you get people to actually hear you.

Know your power, even when it’s quiet

Being constantly told someone else has “the final say” doesn’t mean you don’t have influence. Sometimes, your quiet resistance is louder than words.

And sometimes… the most powerful thing you can do is build a life that reflects your truth—even if you have to do it slowly, gently, and under the radar.

14. How do you communicate with someone effectively when they are always defensive, and you’ve built resentment towards them? I believe that my responses to questions 3, 5, 6 & 7 (in part 1 of this blog) will help here.

However, continue to be humble and look inwards, ask why your resentment has grown, is it the shear fact that they are defensive or is there a reason behind this, perhaps they don’t feel heard!

Ask, are they ALWAYS defensive, we can forget the times they weren’t and just concentrate on the negative.

Remember, communication is the transmission of thoughts, ideas, emotions, feelings, wants, needs and desires and we don’t all communicate in the same way about the same things. Therefore, learn the language of those around you, of your loved ones and friends, listen intently, speak less and be humble.

Author – Andrew Rewell
MBACP Therapeutic Counsellor

In February 2025 I was given the privilege of being present at a Harvesters morning worship in Chatham, Kent. I was asked if I would present, and offer my thoughts, on the subject of “Effective Communication in Relationships”.

 

The majority of the audience were young people in their 20’s, and at the end of my presentation they had some questions for me. I hope that my answers provided some further guidance. Following on from that day I was sent 14 additional questions and asked if I would answer these too.

 

Those 14 questions and my responses are provided in this blog and in the one to follow. I have permission from the church to replicate the Q&A.

 

1. How do you manage to communicate effectively (listening) when you have a very short attention span and busy mind?

There are 3 ways I try and use to help me with this:

• Practice – as someone is talking, repeat in your mind the words they are saying, in effect you are listening twice and thus you will retain more of what is said.
• Try and keep other things from distracting you, put down your phone, turn off the TV, move to a quieter place if possible.
• If you know you haven’t heard something, be honest and humble and ask the person to repeat it. They will feel heard and respected.

 

2. When do you know someone is out of love for you? And is admiring someone’s beauty cheating? E.g. you look good today, oh I love how you smell, etc.

If we have been with someone for a while we instinctively know if they are withdrawing from us. What they say to us and how they say it will change, they may make excuses for not seeing us or we see/hear them flirting with someone else. Flirting is not harmless fun, don’t accept this excuse. If you feel that this is the case the only way to know for sure, even if the answer hurts, is to ask them outright. Be brave and courageous. The initial impact will hurt, so ensure you have a close friend you can confide in confidentially or seek professional help from a counsellor.

 

3. Thinking about conflict resolution top 3 ways to deal with this?

1. Be humble. If the matter is not that serious, be wrong, even if you know you are right. However, see question 5 for further suggestions.
2. Walk away, literally if you can. Jesus did this on many occasions even though he was right and could have put the religious leaders of his day in their place.
3. Be clear as to what the conflict is about. Often this gets lost in the emotions and we end up arguing about something completely different. So, establish what it is you need to discuss and stick to this.

 

4. What’s your take on intimacy in a relationship?

Intimacy is important in a relationship. It is often the only time when a couple engage in something just between the two of them, and therefore the time spent together is as important as what you do during this time. Make time for this in your lives.

However, intimacy cannot be the glue that holds a relationship together. Love must be that glue. Develop a deep love, affection and respect for each other because as we get older and the intimacy becomes less frequent, the relationship will still stand firm.

 

5. How do you respond when you keep quiet and listen and you feel attacked by the person speaking? How do u listen and don’t be quick to defend yourself.

This is difficult but there are a few things to remember:

1. As you listen, the other person will feel heard and respected, this may in turn, turn their attack into one of resolution.
2. What exactly are they attacking, you personally or something you may have done or said?
3. If we jump in to defend ourselves the situation will escalate as the other person will feel ignored and interrupt us, we then jump in again and before you know it, we have a full-scale argument.
4. If we have listened to the other person then, when it’s our turn, they should be willing to listen to us. If they are not, we can remind them that we listened to them without interrupting and we would ask them to do the same.
5. Practice what was stated in 1 & 3 above. Then you can respond in relation to what is said and not to how it was said or your emotional response.

 

6. How do you communicate with someone that has a predisposed notion of you?

If you suspect this then be direct and tell them how they make you feel. Use words such as ‘I feel….’ rather than ‘you make me feel’. Being accusatory never works. Also ask why they feel that way about you and then be prepared to listen, even if it’s difficult. Be humble and honest with yourself, we are often quick to defend ourselves rather than look inwards and see if there is an element of truth in what the other person is saying.

 

7. How do you manage your emotions and that of the other person while communicating without being defensive or undermine their feelings

You cannot manage the emotions of the other person and they should not try to manage yours. However, how we manage ours can influence the other person and may well help them to mirror us, if we can control ours.

Use breathing techniques to manage your emotions. Take deep breaths and hold this for a few seconds, before breathing out. Breath in through your nose and let the breath out like you are blowing through a straw.

If you feel your emotions are getting out of control, be open and honest and suggest that you take a break/come back to the matter another time.

At other times recognise what triggers your emotional responses, recognise these and use breathing/meditation/mindfulness to understand how and why you respond. If you find this difficult, join a yoga group to help with this or seek the help of another professional.

Self-development in relation to managing emotions is a life-long endeavour and will result in contentment, a more peaceful life and better relationships.

 

The final seven questions, and answers, will be part of a future blog, please look out for it.

 Author – Andrew Rewell

MBACP Therapeutic Counsellor

The State of Men’s Mental Health in the UK: Challenges and Progress

Men’s mental health has long been a topic of underrepresentation and misunderstanding in the UK. In a society where traditional gender roles and expectations still hold weight, men often face significant stigma when it comes to addressing mental health challenges. Yet, as awareness grows and conversations around mental well-being evolve, there’s a noticeable shift in how men’s mental health is being approached, both on an individual level and through societal change.

The Silent Struggle: Why Men Struggle to Speak Up

In the UK, men are significantly less likely than women to seek help for mental health issues. According to the Mental Health Foundation, one in eight men experience mental health problems, yet only one in three will seek help. This disparity is partly due to the persistent stigma surrounding masculinity and mental health. Traditional masculine norms—such as the expectations to be strong, independent, and stoic—often discourage men from acknowledging their emotional struggles. As a result, many men suffer in silence, not reaching out for support until it becomes overwhelmingly difficult to cope.

The Statistics: Men’s Mental Health Crisis

The statistics paint a sobering picture. Men in the UK are more likely to experience mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. Furthermore, men are significantly more likely to die by suicide, with the rate of male suicides consistently higher than that of females. According to data from the Office for National Statistics, men account for around three-quarters of all suicides in the UK. This alarming statistic underscores the critical need for intervention and support, as the mental health crisis among men continues to escalate.

Contributing Factors

Several factors contribute to the mental health crisis among men in the UK. Social and economic pressures, such as job insecurity, financial stress, and societal expectations to “perform” in both work and personal life, can take a significant toll on mental well-being. Additionally, men are more likely to engage in risk-taking behaviours, such as heavy drinking or drug use, which can often mask underlying mental health struggles.

Another contributing factor is the lack of targeted mental health services for men. Although the UK has a mental health care system, there is often a gap when it comes to resources tailored specifically to male experiences. This gap in care has led to a growing number of male-specific mental health initiatives, but the work is still in its infancy.

The Impact of Changing Conversations

While challenges remain, there have been positive strides in the way men’s mental health is discussed in the UK. In recent years, public figures, athletes, and mental health advocates have helped to break down the stigma surrounding men’s mental health. Campaigns like Movember, which focuses on men’s health, and Time to Change, which encourages open conversations about mental health, have started to create a space for men to feel comfortable discussing their emotional struggles.

Furthermore, organizations are increasingly recognizing the importance of providing male-friendly mental health services, from support groups to online platforms specifically designed to engage men in discussions about their well-being. These services aim to create environments where men feel understood and less vulnerable when seeking support.

The Role of Employers and Communities

Employers in the UK are beginning to take a more active role in supporting their employees’ mental health, including men. With the rise of workplace wellness programs and mental health days, companies are increasingly aware of the need to address mental health proactively. Male employees, particularly those in high-stress industries, benefit from having a support system that acknowledges their mental health needs and offers assistance before problems escalate.

Communities also have a vital role to play in promoting men’s mental well-being. Local charities, sports clubs, and social organizations can create networks of support where men can engage with one another in non-judgmental spaces. Encouraging conversations in environments where men already feel comfortable—such as through sports or hobbies—can break down barriers and provide a foundation for discussing mental health.

Looking to the Future: A Call for Change

The future of men’s mental health in the UK looks more promising, but there’s still a long way to go. Continuing to challenge outdated gender norms and creating supportive, accessible mental health resources are essential steps toward progress. We must continue to normalize seeking help, whether through therapy, support groups, or informal networks, and ensure that men understand that reaching out for help doesn’t diminish their strength or worth.

Mental health support needs to be inclusive, tailored, and flexible. More research into male-specific mental health issues, greater access to mental health services in diverse communities, and policies that address economic stressors are all vital components of a healthier future for men’s mental well-being.

In conclusion, while the mental health of men in the UK remains a pressing concern, there are signs of some progress. The more society can recognize the unique challenges men face regarding mental health, the more men will feel empowered to take control of their emotional well-being. Moving forward, it’s essential that we continue to dismantle the stigma, foster supportive spaces, and advocate for accessible mental health services. Only then can we ensure that men’s mental health is no longer a silent struggle but a shared priority for all.

 

#mentalhealthmatters

#mentalhealthfoundation

#creativecalmtherapy

#becomingaman

Here’s How to Know and What to Do About It

In today’s hyper-connected world, we’re always plugged in. From checking emails first thing in the morning to scrolling through social media before bed, it can feel like our lives are dominated by screens. But as convenient as digital technology is, it can sometimes leave us feeling drained, stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. So, the question is: Do you need a digital detox?

If you’re asking yourself this, it’s likely time to evaluate how your screen habits are affecting your mental health and overall well-being. Here’s a look at how to know when it’s time for a detox, and some helpful tips to reset your relationship with technology.

Signs You Might Need a Digital Detox

1. Mental Fatigue If you feel mentally exhausted at the end of each day, it may be because your brain is overstimulated. Constant notifications, endless scrolling, and jumping between apps or tasks can leave your mind fried. It’s difficult to focus on one thing when your attention is pulled in a million different directions.
2. Increased Stress Social media can be a stress-inducing zone. Constant comparison, online arguments, or simply overloading your mind with bad news can elevate your stress levels. If you’re constantly feeling anxious after spending time online, it’s a sign your digital consumption might be taking a toll.
3. Sleep Issues The blue light from screens, especially before bedtime, can mess with your circadian rhythm. If you’ve been having trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up feeling unrested, it could be because of too much screen time. Try putting your phone down an hour before bed to see if your sleep improves.
4. Feeling Disconnected from the Real World Do you find yourself more engaged with your phone than with the people around you? If your online presence is outweighing your real-life connections, it might be time to step back. True connection happens in person, and spending too much time online can make you feel distant from the people who matter most.
5. Physical Discomfort Screen time isn’t just bad for your mind; it can take a toll on your body too. Whether it’s eye strain, headaches, neck pain (from constantly looking down at your phone), or hand cramps from texting, it’s easy to ignore these physical signals. But your body can only take so much screen time before it begins to show signs of strain.

How to Do a Digital Detox

Now that you’ve determined that a digital detox might be beneficial, how do you go about it? Here are some practical tips to help you take control and find balance again.

1. Set Specific Time Limits for Screen Use

It’s tempting to mindlessly scroll, but setting time limits can help you regain control. Use apps like “Screen Time” (on iOS) or “Digital Wellbeing” (on Android) to track and limit your app usage. For example, you can set an hour a day for social media or allocate specific blocks of time for checking email.

2. Designate Tech-Free Zones

Create spaces in your home where screens are not allowed. The dining room or bedroom, for example, should be places where you can focus on other activities like eating, talking with family, or reading. It helps create a mental boundary between “screen time” and “real-life time.”

3. Turn Off Notifications

It’s easy to get distracted by a constant stream of notifications. Take back your time and focus by turning off non-essential notifications on your phone. This can help reduce the urge to check your phone every few minutes.

4. Unsubscribe and Declutter

If your inbox is filled with endless promotional emails or subscriptions you don’t care about, take some time to clean it up. Unsubscribe from newsletters or sales emails that clutter your space, making it easier to focus on what is important.

5. Schedule “Offline” Days

A full digital detox doesn’t have to be a week-long commitment right away. Start small by scheduling “offline” days or weekends. During these days, avoid social media, emails, and other screen-based distractions. Use the time to reconnect with nature, read a book, try a new hobby, or spend time with loved ones.

6. Practice Mindfulness and Be Present

Instead of multitasking, practice mindfulness by focusing on one task at a time. Be fully present when talking to someone, eating/drinking, or even just relaxing. Setting aside your phone during these moments can help you re-establish a healthy relationship with the real world.

“Mindfulness is a way of being rather than an object or thing that you will attain.” (1)

7. Find Digital-Free Activities

Take part in hobbies that don’t involve screens. Whether it’s going for a walk, cooking a new recipe, or learning a craft, find activities that nourish your mind and body away from the digital world.

8. Create a Bedtime Ritual

Set a curfew for your devices. Try to stop using screens 30-60 minutes before bed to allow your mind to wind down. Instead of scrolling through social media, you can read a book, write in a journal, listen to music or practice relaxation exercises. Creating this ritual will help you sleep better and start the next day feeling more refreshed.

Final Thoughts

A digital detox isn’t about completely cutting off technology. It’s about establishing boundaries and finding a healthy balance that works for you. By paying attention to the signals your body and mind are sending, you can decide when it’s time to step away from the screen and prioritize self-care.

Remember, taking time away from screens can help you reconnect with the present moment, reduce stress, and improve your overall well-being. Whether you unplug for a few hours, a weekend, or even longer, the goal is to reset and recharge so that you can engage with technology in a more mindful and intentional way.

• Sinclair, M. & Seydel, J. (2013). Mindfulness for Busy People. Harlow: Pearson Education Ltd

I am often asked how to define therapy, what are the benefits and what are the various types?

What I say to my clients is that therapy is a space where they can explore feelings, thoughts, ideas that might not be of benefit to them anymore or they feel stuck and therefore have the opportunity to discover your own solutions, through reflection.

Therapy   whether it is counselling or psychotherapy, has become a cornerstone for mental and emotional well-being, offering diverse approaches to cater to the needs of individuals. Whether you are navigating life transitions, coping with grief, or exploring creative outlets for healing, therapy offers a safe space to grow and heal.

Let’s get into some benefits of going to therapy:

First, you have an opportunity to work on enhancing relationships by managing emotions and reducing anxiety around people. One of the therapeutic approaches (person centred therapy), works exactly with that, creating and developing a therapeutic relationship between a therapist and a client which will increase the chances that therapy will improve connections with loved ones.

Another benefit is that therapy can help you to improve emotional regulation by offering tools to manage emotions, reducing anxiety, depression and stress.

These tools include talking about the problems you are experiencing, using some creative outlets and relaxation practices that will help you to ground and regulate your emotions.

Next on the list of benefits is that therapy will increase self-awareness. Self-discovery through therapy helps uncover patterns and empowers personal growth by allowing you to express whatever holds you or makes you uncomfortable, in a safe non-judgemental space where you are received with empathy and positive regard.

Physical Well-being is another benefit of going to therapy. Addressing emotional issues can positively impact sleep, immunity, and overall physical health.

Our nervous system plays a central role in how we experience and recover from stress or trauma. Therefore, sensory experiences that can be achieved through therapy will help to regulate the nervous system, promoting calmness and safety, by soothing it, reducing the fight-or-flight response, fostering a sense of balance and stability.

At Creative Calm Therapy, our counsellors are trained to use the following types of therapy models, blended with personal lived experience.

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Focuses on altering negative thought patterns.
• Psychodynamic Therapy: Delves into unconscious processes and past experiences.
• Creative Therapy: Creative therapies use artistic expression such drawing, painting, sand and symbols, metaphors etc to aid healing.
• Grief Therapy: Grief therapy offers solace to those mourning a loss, whether of a loved one, a relationship, or a lifestyle.
• Person Centred Therapy: Helps clients become more self-aware and grow personally.
• Therapeutic Groups: Offers a support network, encouraging to share experiences and enables self- exploration. Also, it is a safe space to meet other people experiencing same concerns.

Author

Mihaela Marian

MBACP  Therapeutic Counsellor